When I was down, they pushed me up… When I had no one, these people stood by me and saw me rise from nothing to something. You guys are my pieces of love; you are my best friends now and forever…
Way back in high school, that is where our friendship begun and that friendship turned into sisterhood… we are now an inseparable team. These girls have seen me through my tears and have wiped most of that, they have always made me realize how beautiful I am, inside out.
If there is someone that had a rough time in High school, it was I. From the leadership to torn friendships, to just misunderstandings…Infact at some point, I felt that I had ‘damu ya kunguni’. It was like giving your all to people that pull everything out of you to leave you as empty as a dishabited shell…
Hellen would constantly tell me, ‘Salma, you are just too kind for life that people may mistake that for something else. People will walk on you if you do not set up your own boundaries.” I wish I had taken heed of that before- she is that carefree person that just doesn’t give a f***.
I was the type that would bleed to lend someone my veins and would stand up for people even when they all faded away when it was my turn to cry. It made me think that maybe people thought that I don’t have problems or rather my problems were too small, I could lift them on my own. It was not the case. At some point, I realized that I should stop. I should stop,yes.
Someone once told me that ‘You are always there for people’. It may look like a kind tone, right? That people feel that you are some lamp that lightens up their world, right? But those words tore my inside. like really, I am always there for you but have you asked yourself how much you have been there for me? I remembered how much torn I got and I had no one to push me back to reality, to tell me ‘you see Salma, you will be okay’.
This is a very deep post and its actually creating so much ripples of emotions inside me as I jot down each word, but I was contemplating today and I thought that maybe I have spent more time to think of all the negatives that people have done to my soul and forgotten the people that put me on their boat and sailed with me, each time, every time- these people have really made me who I am-these people that have given me their time-their efforts-their smiles. I love you!
How does it feel like to be torn from a leadership identity that you worked 24/7 for? That made you put your own studies at bay? That moment that feels like all that glint of sunlight you had just gotten, past you like a whirl wind, never to be seen again. No one would notice the faith I kept on that had upended my own mounting despair-it was God, and it was them. I am now ripe enough to know who is a ‘hello-bye’ friend, who is a ‘ride or die’ and who is the clown that waits to laugh when I fall. The bad news is I don’t shoot my haters. The good news is the reward of finding happiness in the old people that I love and the street kids that I enjoy my company with: that reward is a promise from Allah to never let the clowns’ lark after my fall.
Hellen is one the wisest people I know. She is crazy and weird but her heart is gold. Do you remember when you told me to not get married after I just finished form four and I had got proposed? That that decision would affect me? You were right. Do you remember when you told me that ‘If you do not start finding happiness in yourself, these people are gonna kill you each day-because they don’t care-no one does-everyone has their own selfish interests to attend to-after that they are pretty much gone. You were right. Do you remember when you would protect me like a baby and care for me, cry with me and even made me realize that I should dry all my tears and keep moving- the good people, those that are meant to stay shall stay. You were right.
One day when I found myself speaking into a shiny microphone and peering out a sea of tables with linen tablecloths and glimmering crystal-I stopped tears from flowing from my eyes. I saw you right there in Metro Toronto Convention Centre telling me to keep going-telling me that, ‘Salma, that was your day. Give the best presentation ever. You have me. I have you. We are good’
Fatma is one lady that carries herself with a unique style. She would make your days through her endless tales- a way to comfort you- a way to remind you that there is more in store for you. That even when they want to kill your only left instincts, she shall be bullets and weapons for you. Fatma would always remind you that you are not a moment, you are a lifetime and if the haters are to hate you for that-they can sing on with their demons all through the night to comfort themselves into their evilness because God, who brought you this far never brought you only to come this far. You are here for a reason and that reason is to serve and to touch on lives, untouched. You can never fall-EVER- and if you shall fall, then it is by His will and it is a blessing in disguise- a symbol of something better.
University could not have been great without Nuru. This Nubian lady has a a movie-star smile, a generous heart paired with a powerful intellect. She would hug you at your worse and put you to sleep when you are unwell. She would stay all night with you when your tummy hurts and prepare some good food for you to heal your wailing heart. She would cook with you and share her tales of love and affection. She is a perfect example of undying hope. I love her to eternity.
To all the other people that love me and appreciate me, I thank you and am happy to have you by my side. May Allah bless you abundantly and may He grant you all that you need in shaa Allah. I would want to urge you all to always keep up a good smile, to always be good anyway because if human beings defy you, there is a Lord that is the master of all that exists-that hears you-that sees you-and that knows how amazing you really are, something that not everyone can see.
Photo Courtesy: Unknown